There was this robbery

There was this robbery in Guangzhou , the robber shouted to everyone: "All don't move, money belongs to the state, life belongs to you".

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept --> Changing the conventional way of thinking".
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One lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her "Please be civilised! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called "Being Professional --> Focus only on what you are trained to do!"
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When the robbers got back, the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (who is only primary school educated), "Big bro, let's count how much we got", the older robber rebutted and said, "You very stupid, so much money, how to count, tonight TV will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called "Experience --> nowadays experience is more important than paper qualifications!"
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After the robbers left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. The supervisor says "Wait, wait wait, let's put the 5 million RMB we embezzled into the amount the robbers robbed".

This is called "Swim with the tide --> converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!"
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The supervisor says "It will be good if there is a robbery every month".

This is called "Killing Boredom --> Happiness is most important."
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The next day, TV news reported that 100 million RMB was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count 20 million RMB. The robbers were very angry and complained "We risked our lives and only took 20 million RMB, the bank manager took 80 million RMB with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated to be a thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold !"
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The bank manager was smiling and happy because his loss in the CINOPEC shares are now covered by this robbery.

This is called "Seizing the opportunity --> daring to take risks!"

NEW CEO

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. This guy is really going to show that he was a good investment by the company.

One day, on a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

Penguin

A man was walking in a park when he came across a penguin. He took him to a policeman and said, "I've just found this penguin. What should i do?". 

The policeman replied, "take him to the zoo"

The next day the policeman saw the same man in the same park and the man was still carrying the penguin with him. 

The policeman was rather surprised and walked up to the man and asked, "why are you still carrying that penguin? Didn't u take it to the zoo?".

"I certainly did", replied the man, "and it was great idea he really enjoy it, so today i'm taking him to the movies!"

PG- Jokes :"Big chief, no fart"

There was this Indian chief who was straining to blow a fart but it wouldn’t come out.

So he sent his little messenger boy to the doctor and he says, ”Big chief, no fart.”

The doctor gives him a can of beans and tells him to come back tomorrow to tell him what happened.

The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, ”Big chief, no fart.”

The doctor gives him 10 cans of beans this time.

The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, ”Big chief, no fart.” The doctor gives him 100 cans of beans.

The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, ”Big chief, no fart.”

The doctor gives him 10, 000 cans of beans and says, ”If this doesn’t work then nothing will.”

The messenger boy comes back the next day and looks at the doctor.

The doctor anxiously asked, ”Well, did it work?”

The messenger boy says, ”Big fart, no chief!”

Fabulous Emma Watson

Great Quote by Sasha Grey : PG18+

35 Great Reasons To Be A Man

1. Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. You know stuff about tanks.
3. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
4. You can open all your own jars.
5. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
6. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
7. You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
8. You can leave the motel bed unmade.
9. You can kill your own food.
10. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
11. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
12. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
13. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
14. If you are 35 and single, nobody notices.
15. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
16. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
17. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
18. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
19. Same work...more pay.
20. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
21. Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.
22. You don't mooch off other's desserts.
23. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
24. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
25. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice
anything different?"
26. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
27. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
28. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
29. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. You don't have to shave below your neck.
31. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
34. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Great Quotes Of Great MEN About WIFE.

If a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-Lee Majors

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
-Al Gore

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
-Mike Tyson

The great question.. which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
-George Clooney

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-Bill Clinton

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
-George W. Bush

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
-Rudy Giuliani

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
-Michael Jordan

"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." The third gave me more children!
-Donald Trump

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
-Shaquille O'Neal

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
-Kobe Bryant

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-David Hasselhoff

My wife and I lived happily for twenty years. Then we met.
-Alec Baldwin

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Barack Obama

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
-Tommy Lee